After not being in Lagos for 18 months, I miss her a lot. New York is amazing but I miss being a walkabout. Lmao I don’t miss jumping bus or the streets, but I definitely miss the Uber prices being relatively cheaper. I miss the crazy and hilarious scenarios I’ve encountered over and over, and the wild people that are always shouting. I’ve relived my Lagos moments time and again and I just need to get a dose of her to recharge, before I move into the next culture to immerse myself in.
So, I compiled a full list of the major things I want to do in Lagos, if I travel. Lmao my list reminds me of the list Bob in Bob Hearts Abishola gave to Abishola’s son when he was going to Nigeria for the 1st time. (You should watch the show, it’s hilarious, Bob pronounces Abishola as ah-bee-show-la 😂)
But here it goes in the most random order or not lmao.
- Go kart. Yes, this is my first item, don’t judge me. I cannot drive to save my life, so I want to enter a tiny car, and leave all my worries of crashing in real life and crash my friends’ cars. Lmao for real, I just want to have fun racing in miniature life.
- You don’t know how I’ve craved thanksgiving service in Nigerian churches or attempted to listen to Yinka Ayefele. I really just want to dance to those men that use talking drums and sing your oriki at parties, and then someone sprays me money, although I wouldn’t mind dollars instead of naira in this case. God, please I have not moved my body in months. I also know I can only dance on chairs and in my mind (you do not have to remind me), but all I want to do is komole and do the rich aunty dance at an owambe. I have lace and silk dresses to wear. Run me your invite but, only if you are sure they would spray dollars.
- Go to RIG Lagos. Isi and Tomi Arayomi are still in the dark, but I’m their younger sister in spirit. I am an active internet RIG member, and I just want to sit in physically, and absorb. I want to receive it by proximity and not just be a fan. I know that I will go there looking all clutch and come back with makeup smeared, because I will be slain in the Spirit.
- Do pottery. I would not mind sitting down with my friends and sisters, or maybe new people, and spin the pottery wheel, and sip some wine. I want to know what it means to create a beautiful vessel, so I would live through that moment. But my friends are avoiding pottery and want to paint and sip. So therefore, I’d have to update you on the stupida putas and their bad life choices.
- Do my first photoshoot. It’s so strange how I have never done one. I used to judge people that used to be excited to go into the studio every five minutes. Well, Well Well, I’m ready to look like a babe and sit in front of the camera. I’m fully assured in Mide Wey, the only thing I’m scared of is sitting down with a makeup artist and I’m the bad canvas.
- Meet Esther Longe and banter with her. My 6 months on the Unicorn Program were a blast. I need to just meet her and laugh. She doesn’t know yet that she’s adopting me 😭 Let me tap her garment and get some anointing to wear bone straight hair and be a babe for Jesus.
- Family dinner. My family members are scattered, and it would be fun to drive for dinner together. Now, who is going to foot the bill, je no sé 🤷🏻♀️. But we’d see, that would be a bridge that would cross itself when I get them all in one place.
- I want to go to a night concert, not loud noise plisssss. Like where a band is playing guitar and soft music. Femi Leye or Lex Ash type of music. Like bogobiri people. I want to be one of the cool kids of Lagos. Please tell me when and where they are gathering, I’d find matching cords with bone straight hair to wear plus I have a nose piercing, so I can pass for Alté 🥺
- Is it a bad thing that I just want to eat? I want amala, white rice and buka stew and shawarma. Please give me food. I promise to always respect and love you, and I’d always be your right-hand man till death do us apart.
- And finally, the person that is my husband, I’m ready to meet you. Obey and reach out. Thanks, and God bless.
I’d love to get ideas from you and tweak my list. Let me know in the comment section, so I’d give you guys’ updates when I finally enter Lagos as an IJGB and spend dollars I don’t have 😭🙃
Love you,
Naé