I sometimes have these bouts where I can’t find God.
And so, this is one of the responses he gave me in April 2019 to my where are you God? I miss us and our intimacy.
‘ I am right here, where I’ve always been. You are my daughter, and I would never leave you nor forsake you to the very end. I want you to know I am always with you.
Many times, you have a script in your head, and you hold me to some sort of experience. I am bigger than that, and I want to be the movie director. Stop expecting some supernatural experience by performance.
I just want you to sit with me and talk. I’d listen and talk back.
Naomi, ask me questions, gist with me, play with me and know me.
I know you are itching to be used by me and be overly spiritual like everyone measures, but my feet is important, Naomz.
I crave you and I always want us. I am always beside you walking through every phase.
Be still and drop all your strange expectations of me, you have heard through other people’s relationships, and experience me for who I am by yourself.
I love you and would always would.
Forever, Naomz.’
Talk to me about everything and nothing. I want to hear it first. I like it when you talk to me. I like your gist.
Performance is trying to do the discipline of sustained longing when all you can do is just have conversations.
I understand that the church has taught you that to move further and further in your spiritual walk, you have to tick all the boxes of praying 20 hours in tongues, and spit out 40 scriptures at once, and all the extra religious rigmarole.
But intimacy is just knowing your friend. Just sit and talk today.
Love and light,
Naé