Heyy you, welcome to adulting ooh. Nobody really sent me a memo that it was going to be a rollercoaster. Whew.
You guys, I don’t how, why, and when I signed up to look like a rich aunty, give off wealth vibes, and have expensive taste. I want to be a rich aunty, but with the equivalent of the dollars in my account plis. Because I don’t know why I be having expensive taste and no fundsss. (I have fully concluded that a rich wealthy man needs to sweep me off my feet for marriage or adoption, anyone is fine. My parents may be getting tired of my taste and carrying my matter to the Lord Jesus.)
Because I just want to enjoy and not work.
For real.
Sometimes, I reflect about my street days in Lagos where I was hustling and jumping ‘molue’ (my family members are cringing right now), and I realize the streets are really not for me. I like rich Aunty vibes better. Naomi Morgridge was called to enjoy this life and chop it.
The problem is where is this funds??
Any who, you’d be surprised I didn’t know that Adekunle Gold’s Ego was a real song with lyrics (I always thought it was just vibes) until I hit rock bottom and I was singing-crying-praying the lyrics to God on Fordham Road in the heart of the Bronx.
So let me tell you my money tales of America today. What America and 2021 has taught me about money.
1. First off, it’s called savings. Let it go and stop withdrawing from it to flex life. I think I had forgotten that, until Bank of America sent me a letter to remind me that I had withdrawn too many times in the month, so they would turn my savings account into checking and send me an atm card. Wait guys, are they saying that the money I saved for bad times, I had to fight for it, now that I was in bad times. Welp!!
Threatening me was not going to stop me from going on vacation with my savings duh. (I really did go on vacation 😭)
Lmao for real, lock your savings. Nigerians using piggy vest, rise vest and other savings apps are so lucky, they can lock it for like 6 months or whatever time you state, and they don’t give you your money except in exceptional cases like when you die, I think. Lol, just kidding. I’ve been searching for one in America, but I haven’t gotten any good reviews (plug me if you can)
2. I’m sorry but I’m ready to make noise. I am actually really proud of myself. I built my credit score from non-existent to 700+ in 7 months. I don’t even know what to say, but I’m going to be like those people on the internet and say I worked hard, and I was super intentional about it. I put all my oreos addictions and cravings on my credit card and kept paying the card every month in full. I also fueled my uber bad behaviors with this wonderful card, and paid my bills on time, and opened something called SELF. You should honestly try it if you want to build your credit. Any who, I think I’m on the right path to getting my Apple Credit card with >$25000 credit limit, and a low APR rate (now, don’t ask me why I want or need that, let’s just move on to the next)
3. Crypto, why did you allow China and Elon Musk to do you dirty? Bitcoin really did me a number, how dare you dip? I couldn’t have $1000 in my name for something in peace. No problem, I believe in miracles, so you will rise like dough with yeast, and I would reap the reward when you eventually reach $60k. But for real, buying Bitcoin and Ethereum taught me discipline. I would buy $20 of both every Friday or Monday morning, and just tell myself, investment pays off, and when I was wealthy, shoot $200-$500 in it. It was a healthy pump of dopamine, until I carried myself to buy dogecoin, and it shamed me. Now I can’t look at my PayPal and Robinhood wallet.
Lmao my only advice to you is you better be doing your research before you make financial decisions, or allow your discernment to be sharp, if not the dip will dip all your money. Get ready to hlod. It’s not for the weak and faint hearted. Become a hard guy before you invest in crypto
4. Every cent actually counts. For real, our parents didn’t lie when they said there is rice at home. My guy, just go home and boil rice, the craving is a lie. Better stop telling yourself, if I perish, I perish. You will perish poor. I didn’t really respect the dollar because $1 is 1 and minute. But coming from someone that pops into a bodega or gas station every day to buy Oreos >$5, I would have had random $2000 by now just sitting somewhere. Stop fueling stupid cravings and addictions, and whine when money doesn’t want to fly to your account.
5. Paying for things doesn’t automatically give you commitment to them. That’s how your girl paid for GRE exams 4 months earlier, thinking she would read like her life depended on it. LOL I didn’t read like those medical students writing exams to run out of Nigerian Medical Industry. And I also failed the GRE and wasted like $500 oops.
Let me give you another instance, I really used to like going to the gym before in my past life. But then Winter had me staying in my house. So, I paid for gym membership and monthly subscription, and let’s just say I have wasted $200, I could have used to buy my sister’s Dr. Martens Boots.
6. Investment is sweet. I like the fact that I have money stored somewhere in Acorns, and they manage buying the investment portfolio for me. Also, I don’t have to look at Robinhood and be angry when anything is dipping. You can start small, and just do autopay. Autopay really be working wonders for my savings and investment life.
7. Giving. Now this is not my speech to give because it is good to do so, I’m telling you to give and forget. If you want to give, give with your full chest and let it go. Don’t be thinking of rewards and how you need your money back when you’re poor.
One thing 2021 taught me was the money has gone, it’s not going to develop wings and fly back to you, so let it go. I always thought I was very flexible with money and once I felt led to give, I let it go immediately because I want and need my peace; and I do not believe in hoarding money, no matter how much of broke I might seem. But I realized, when I needed the money to pay for certain things, my brain suddenly missed the >$5000 we had given based on obedience and kindness. I was reminded by life and people of how that could have been my savings and could have contributed what I needed to be paid for.
I had to correct this disturbing thought that wanted to make me feel used for giving with no reward. What matters the most is I obeyed, and I helped people in need.
8. Trust and dependence. You know how my daddy be doing. He will teach you that both when you have plenty, and when you have nothing, you learn to trust and depend on him because life is a pot of beans and you have no choice. Imagine knowing your promises say wealth is in your bloodline, but ko si owo (there’s no money) in your pocket. How do you balance the promise and your reality?
I also do not know, but I have learnt that money doesn’t really belong to me, I am just a steward and account manager for pops, and he does not have a leaking basket for a mouth.
Money will work for you, develop a healthy relationship with her and learn to enjoy your relationship whether in plenty or in lack.
See you always, and don’t perish yet. Sing Ego at the top of your voice and breathe.
Naé.